Flysaa sucks huge amounts of ass

Despite constantly being disappointed by the lack of customer service in this country – I cannot fathom why I was surprised by this pearler ...after logging a complaint with flysaa’s customer care department …I received a surprisingly swift response – even more surprising was the fact it was an Out of Office Reply … I SHIT YOU NOT!!!!

The response – yes it is an out of office reply

From: Customer Care [mailto:CustomerCare@flysaa.com]
Sent: Tuesday, September 26, 2006 3:39 PM
To: *Child Prodigy*
Subject: Out of Office AutoReply: e-ticket complaint

Thank you for your e-mail addressed to Customer Care Department and for taking the time to write to us.
We will investigate and revert to you shortly. This will take longer than normal due to the high volume of incoming correspondence. Gee …I wonder why – all you customers seem to be reeeeeealy satified
Kindly note that our operating hours are Monday - Friday 08h00 - 16h30. We are closed on weekends and public holidays. Because nobody flies on those days of course

Kind regards,SOUTH AFRICAN AIRWAYS CUSTOMER CARE TEAM. Should you be using the word 'care' so frivolously??

Should you require immediate assistance regarding:

Web Bookings, Email: Help@flysaa ;Tel: 0861 359 722/2711 978 5313 as long as you don’t want to change anything

Web Refunds, Email: E-Commerce.Refunds@flysaa.com; Tel:2711 978 2380 don’t bother not going to happen

Ticket Refunds,Email: Refunds@flysaa.com: Tel: 2711 978 1786 don’t bother also not going to happen

yadda yadda yadda - more drivel etc

Stripping 101

So I went to a strip club last night - my local charity usually only requires me to drink for the children (an arduous task, but you know …it’s for the children) – however last night they required me to watch strippers as well (charity is never easy).

The club owner was a guy named Boris (as oppose to a more obvious strip club owner name like Eugene or Frank) and at first it was hard to distinguish the strippers from the patrons .. Until someone pointed out they were the ones in the lingerie with their bums showing (after that it was dead easy ) …also the ones hanging upside down off poles.. Definitely strippers.

So anyway that got me to pondering whether I should give up my dream of becoming a airhostess/ bank teller and pursue a career in stripping. After some evaluation of the vocation I came up with the following:

1. You need to wear stripper clothes (small clothes that come off easily )..…I sometimes need a crowbar to remove my Soviets - think it might ruin the fluidity of the movement if I drop to the floor and lie there grunting and tugging on my jean pant .

2. You have to dance with a pole …. I walk into poles

3. You have to wear stripper shoes… any pair of shoes that requires you to wear a harness and strap yourself in ( and are not recommended for people who suffer from vertigo) ….. are definitely not the shoes for me (sneakers or a nice pair of sandals – are NOT stripper shoes )

4. You have to be from Russia (or the Ukraine)..I do have a good Russian accent ….( мой мальчик горяч но ест мороженое с другой женщиной...vodka ….KGB....i vant too see SHARK...we go NOW)

5. You have to feign interest in offensive overweight middle aged men … I punch offensive overweight middle aged men in the head (and sometimes I have meetings with them and they say things like ..”Level the playing fields” and “What the value add?”)

Bohemian Oddity

I went to Freddie mercury’s “Glam rock birthday party” last night ….it was …well.. average …(have decide not to attend any further parties that utilize the term glam or rock or that get thrown for dead people. )

The evening did however prove to have some gems , including meeting the world’s dumbest door whore , seriously – it’s a wonder she managed to dress herself - She didn’t know how to work the armbands (very complex those armbands – requiring a combination of motor skills and 100 000 years of evolution….. also they were shiny – which was possibly what was distracting her ) …so anyway stole an extra one to smuggle my boy in (the thievery of which lacked the glory and splendor of the road cone incident - given that DDW had just discovered she had opposable thumbs and as such had dropped her guard ….and the fact that said boy succumbed to an attack of narcolepsy and the contraband armband was in fact not utilized)

After DDW eventually managed to work out that we were not in fact colin moss (all 6 of us) MTS (My Trusty Sidekick) and I proceeded to the bar and ordered a vodka where Tea Cozy Head (barman who had a haircut like a tea cozy) shortly informed us that the vodka was not free (do we look that cheap??? …in retrospect we probably should have taken off the beer horns and the “where’s the free beer” t-shirt before ordering) …MTS then proceeded to offend Tea Cozy head by referring to his favorite DJ, Sean Duvet, as DJ Pillow (if you’re named after an eiderdown you need to be open to bedding jokes is all I say )…..Tea Cozy head was horrified - I was horrified by Tea Cozy head’s short white tennis pant …so we called it even .

MTS got stuck in a toilet

A nice farm boy koffiefontein offered to “double my salary” if I "shimmy’ed a pole" ..(and then proceeded to ask if he could borrow ten bucks) …. This was of course after he asked the most hated question (see rant here ) – and was met with the usual

-“pole dancer”
-“Hairdresser”

We got a vehement head shake from and angry little troll because MTS ruined her photo op

and we still managed to get home by 1 …. all in all not bad going for a school night !

Btw : My tongue is still furry (….and there are no pepper steak pies )