Replacing Middle Management

Hmmm….. I am having a particularly irksome encounter with what I can only assume to be middle management , or lower level management with aspirations of middle management or ultimately the manifestation a punishment sent down from the universe (who hates me because am I am hotter and more intelligent and my waist size isn’t infinite – take that universe .....fatty )

So anyway I was thinking about the traits of middle management and what items possibly displayed similar qualities (and could possibly used in a substitution exercise):

Intelligence : plank (small one ….with a couple of nails driven into it)
Personality : African violet (although African violets are slightly more colourful and get invited to more parties)
Interpersonal skills : electro shock therapy (although 9 times out of 10 I would opt for the electroshock therapy ….less painful)
Sense of humour : black hole (although black holes can be quite funny…. especially when middle management is getting sucked into them........You know.... there are just not enough black holes around …you should be able to get them out of the stationary cupboard … you know …..in case of emergencies .......and by emergencies I mean meetings with middle management )
Collective noun: Morons

So in effect, middle management could be replaced by an electrocuted African violet nailed to a plank on an event horizon.....

So anyway …happy freedom day for yesterday (….free dumb day in the case of MM …morons)

to Pas de Bourrée or Pass the bar

In an attempt to imbibe a little culture into my heathen ass I attended the St Petersburg ballet’s rendition of Swan lake this week: a story of man on bird love ….animal rights groups were surprisingly okay with the relationship (i.e. I didn’t see any of them arabesquing across the stage and chaining themselves to one of the fake trees on the set)

So anyway, as you all know I have a plethora of talent at mastering pretty much any art or science and after some study, came to the conclusion I could definitely be a prima ballerina, the parallels are obvious:

1. Ballerina’s can stand on their toes : I like to stand on other peoples toes
2. The best ballerina’s are Russian , I have a little Russian in me (vodka , 40% proof) .
3. Ballerinas can master complex movements , I have mastered ‘the sprinkler’
4. Male ballerina’s have really tights arses : I am particularly fond of tight arses
5. Ballerina’s do pliés : I can spell plié

I have however, after some thought, decided not to pursue this avenue: as although I so definitely would ROCK and be like the most prima PRIMA ballerina there are one or two hurdles – i.e. the whole leotard thing ( *cold sweats* and *shouting* and *nasty mental images of Madonna’s purple leotard with bad 70’s hair eating my liver* ) …. And I don’t think they encourage binge drinking ….and then of course the whole I fall over a lot and have the grace of a wounded buffalo thing doesn’t help much either ….

Hmmm…but about those arses ….