10 things I hate

In no particular order (although middle management is way up there – will dedicate a separate hate blog to them at some point )

1. Members of the body corporate : for some reason …god alone knows what – in my complex living enriched life – I have been punished …. forced to repay some massive karmic debt …which comes in the form of “the body corporate” …or more specifically some sad wanker that can only find self worth in enforcing body corporate rules (although wanker is probably not the most accurate terminology as I suspect not even his hand could muster enough respect for him ) I have encountered such gems as fat ugly neighbour (traffic cone on the roof of my car ) , the aids patient (who kept up, while shaking his finger, with my “speeding car ”) and the throbbing vein (penalty fine )
2. middle management (worthy of genocide)
3. wax models (we’ll leave it at that)
4. Tut Tutters : The general population that expect that because you are approaching thirty and are still single and without any prospect of marriage that you are a complete and utter failure at life and who “ tut tut “ sympathetically at you and say “don’t worry it will happen for you one day ” – WHAT ???? Missionary position and joint bank accounts………….. I DON”T THINK SO !!!! these people especially piss me off and could seriously go all bowling for columbine on there asses - each time I hear the condescending little tut tut – I feel myself rising to new levels of hysteria - my eyes start popping out of my head and I am pretty sure one of these days I am going to crack and take a salad fork to one of them
5. When there is no amstel
6. People touching me with their feet
7. Losers : People that go “are you cross with me ?” well if you are asking me that, you have clearly done something to piss me off – which I am clearly unaware of as if I was cross with you - you would know about it –I would have nailed your cat to you door , beaten you to death with a piece of light yet manoeuvrable piece of office furniture ……. or at the very least called you a cock bag
8. escapee gut : The living stomach that constantly feels a need to pop its bloated mass over the top of my jean pant
9. button pushers : people that suffer from such levels of retardation that when getting into a lift , they cannot grasp the seemingly simple task of pressing the button reflecting the number associated with their destined floor – like the lift has some built in artificial intelligence that can read minds or that you maybe randomly ride the lift all day until it happens upon your particular floor . Even worse when you are waiting for the lift and some dick head will come up and press the call button AGAIN – what do you think arsehole I just stand aimlessly in front of lifts all fucking day
10. The brain dead : People that imply that I am incompetent or stupid because I am unable to communicate at frequencies below that of plant growth and cannot fathom what it is you are trying to communicate to me with your series of grunts and wild hand gestures .