Nature calls (repetitively)

There is a renegade cricket in the office - providing open plan with a cetain platteland ambiance –on walking in and hearing the little chirp chirp of our forest friend, I reminisced briefly on the extensive outdoors lifestyle I have lived over the years (walking to my car after opium etc ………) - of course it wasn’t until a couple of minutes later that I noticed the little bastard was still chirping ………….. loudly …. and showing no signs of surrender ………………... taunting me in fact …….was preparing to stomp his little head in with my platform shoe . (but then had visions of myself running around the office with one barefoot – goonie goo goo hair - and a crazed look in my eye …..and after yesterdays attack on office furniture thought possibly I should keep a low profile )


…………..the little cock bag is still chirping , sending sharp edged punji sticks through my pip with every little chirrup – I can feel my eyes shudder in their sockets (could be last nights amstel …..but I am going with being punished by mother nature rather ……. [wisdom from the prodigy : NEVER assume responsibility for your actions .there is ALWAYS someone else to blame ] )

Am changing my plan of attack from vicious platform shoe stomping to bloody massacre – the cricket must suffer – will rip its little legs off and take it to a meeting with middle management …*gleeful rubbing of hands*……… no one can survive the onslaught of mind numbing stupidity wa ha ha ha ha ha

So what is going on with these crickets lately anyway – its like the plague – I think we are being punished (probably shouldn’t have driven over that priest with my car ) …...but let me ask you this – why crickets – why not the whole first born thing (die little fire pointing dwarf DIIIEEEEE) ……… maybe god is pissed at my blatent disregard of the whole “love thy neighbour” commandment , but I mean COME ON – he was hysterically flailing his arms (between bouts of angry finger pointing) and screaming incoherenty about “body corporate rules” and “penalty fines” … what’s a girl to do (maybe the pellet gun was a little harsh ….but I didn’t feel I was getting through to him with the expletives ) ………..next time will just shove a cricket up his ass