Day from hell

The day from hell reared its unfortunate looking head early on in that I had to get up at sparrows fart to attend an 8 am meeting … Who organises a meeting at 8 in the morning what sick bastard ass kissing fiend gets to work at that time – future managers of south africa mailing list member no doubt – should be burnt at the steak . almost shoved my cell phone up my own ass when it started bleeping its little head off.

Couldn’t find my glasses and being on a par with Helen Keller in terms of visual capability looking for stuff is somewhat of a challenge – especially if that item is my visual aid – in fact the world to me pretty much looks like a monet painting close up making - the distinction of individual items a non event , so due to the frustration gene which is highly dominant in my DNA I gave up looking for the glasses at the onset of the palpitations and felt my way to the shower - which had a somewhat calming effect until I dropped the soap into the “monet-like” abyss and had to bend floorwards for a closer look resulting me in slamming my head into the soap dish (which of course I didn’t see ) so now my vision is further blurred by mild concussion (although the banging of the head was not a serious player in the day from hell as those of you that know me know I tend to hit m y head on stuff a lot – natural selection of the brain cells and stuff) - I eventually got out alive – and commenced my morning chico 1.3 stand off (fortunately the car succumbed to my foul mood , else there may have been problems)


Anyway , because of my already rough morning I thought I would treat myself to vida coffee only to arrive and see that there must be a middle management conference in town as there was a queue from hell just radiating incompetence and stupidity – I mean who stands in a 10 minute queue and gets to the front and still doesn’t know what to order – MY GOD – they sell coffee – there is only coffee on the menu - how hard can it be???...... coffee or uh coffee………… the menu has less letters in it than a street sign – I will have the.....uh......uh…..ummmmm… THE COFFEE YOU STUPID PRICK – milk no milk .....aaaahhhh uuummmm ...... ummmmmm– ARE YOU LACTOSE INTOLERANT ? ......YES ? …..NO ?? can somebody PLEEEEAAASE switch on his brain it seems to have shut down – (vein throbbing excessively and about to burst through my forehead - considering banging head on coffee counter – however still concussed from shower episode so reconsider)

eventually get coffee – sick pricks have made the lids for the coffee cups just small enough for the cup so they don’t fit – abandon the lid idea for fear of losing it and stabbing clientele to death with teaspoon .....take sip....... get foam all over my head ......sigh

Arrive at work the lift is out ......... I work on the fourth floor ..... .God is punishing me …I have clearly pissed God off ......I begin the ascent and get a searing pain as a reminder from my thigh muscles that I spent some quality time at the gym recently , being tortured by one psychologically impaired nazi venting out his deep rooted anger at his father who didn’t accept him because he became a lycra clad mincing aerobics instructor rather than a lawyer ....... Manage to get up first flight...... starting to feel light headed ………….. gasping for air .......walk into wall as vision impaired by little stars floating around in line of sight .......... spill coffee on pants ........swear .

start to see the light at the end of the tunnel (not in sense of the optimistic cliché – actually think I have passed out and died – can hear dead relatives calling) ….recover …..find desk …………put head down ..................Rest is short lived , feel cold shiver down my spine and the presence of ineptitude engulf me.

Apparently the world has come to a grinding halt and I am the only person left alive (albeit barely - still struggling to breathe) that can fix it (all this and I forgot my cape) ………DIE YOU EVIL LITTLE MISCREANT ……If I cared about other peoples problems I would have become I fucking psychologist – so just shut your winy little bastard mouth and go phone your mother .

Day is still going crap …….but breathing at least returned to normal and employing a technique I call selective deafness and pretending to be on the phone a lot .