Commitment phobic

Didn’t think I would make an entry today what with work sapping the life force out of me – I am a shell of my former self – my personality has been completely beaten out of me – okay so its largely self inflicted - not many brain cells would have survived being slammed repeatedly into a keyboard – but fortunately I escaped retardation and have got away with a frontal lobotomy instead – which I would consider a good career move as I fear the Prozac has started eating through my stomach lining .

My contract is drawing to an end and now I have the offer to go perm. Not dealing well with it – should be overwhelmed with joy as I enshroud myself in the snug stay soft smelling blanket of job security - but can’t help feeling nauseous . Think I am filled with the same fear an panic as I would should I one day (god forbid ) find myself standing at an alter (wedding alter not sacrificial – although I am not quite sure I see the difference - excuse me while I lean over and vomit in my dustbin – the notion was a little to much for me to deal with right now )

It all seems so……*ahem* ………. Permanent. All of a sudden there’s no more uncertainty to life , no freedom to make choices on a whim , no end date (apart from death of course but that could take forever to rear its ugly head - that’s why I drink and smoke so much – trying to lure the bastard out early before I get wrinkly and incontinent ) you have your life pretty much mapped out for you and the ,map says you will be doing the same thing you are doing today for the rest of your air breathing life …../..sign here and pick up your ball and chain on way out ………………. thank you and have a nice day .

Please excuse me while I go and continue my panic attack alone in the toilet