Monkey see, monkey do

So it was “date night” last night and where as the rest of general pop does the customary dinner and a movie and by the end of the evening is gnawing through a wrist from the complete average-ness of the occasion or climbing the walls from extended exposure to mundane small talk ….boy and I decided to cut to the chase and just climb the walls.

The evening got off to a good *sarcasm* start as I, Mrs. “I have the sense of direction of a mute bat and still can’t tell my left from my right” was navigating …..And of course this didn’t turn out well (fortunately I did manage to stay within a kilometer radius of our intended destination this time… *wild applause and patting on back*) …. So anyway - after glancing briefly at the map I noticed a large important looking block with a cross on it and assumed it was the climbing gym – you know …..kind of like when the Americans look at a world map and see Asia and go oh yes the big one that must be us …so anyway turned out large important looking block was St Georges hospital …way to go genius ….looking on the bright side though ..Should I have dropped long suffering boy on his head at least I would have known where the hospital was (and could have pointed him in the general direction)

but I mean … honestly … shortcomings like this are not really the kind of thing you like putting out there so early in a relationship… you know…stuff like directional impairment …the fact that your fathers a drug lord and your mother’s a prostitute and you suffer from mild schizophrenia and have rage issues (but not to worry you have only bludgeoned 1 or 2 people in a fit of rage …well 1 or 2 that you can remember) ….. You know …… you kind of save that shit for month 4 or 5.

so anyway – the climbing was fabulous - surprisingly there was only one injury (poked myself in the eye) and 1 fatality (right thumb nail …… okay so maybe it was more maimed than dead ) and some retardation of the toenails given that the shoes were created for cleft footed midgets - but think I did pretty well – thought I was Cliff hanger actually (although I am a lot taller than Stallone and also more buff – oh ya …and I can also act) I also managed not to drop boy on his head either – which is a good thing (the relationship going well haven’t killed him yet and he’s still in the country *knuckle bite*) ..Boy is a natural of course – but then again he is one of those sickening athletic types that is good at everything *vomit* (in retrospect should maybe have dropped him on his head????)

There is also all this lingo you need to remember …. like when you’ve reached top of the wall and need to be belayed (see footnote) down...you have to shout “TAKE ME” ….yes …this cheap porn terminology is equally useful in rock climbing and also quite entertaining given that all the other rock climbing pairs were male and frequently shouting “TAKE ME” at each other (fortunately they compensated for the innuendo by beating their chests and punching each other ……. well some of them)

So anyway – wall climbing rocks...That is all


* Belay: big rock climbing term meaning dangle from a rope at ridiculous height while simultaneously putting your life in the hands of person on the ground and hoping to god he doesn’t drop you on your head.