Darwin Revised

Wrath of a disgruntled help desk worker

So now that I have regained consciousness from my most recent bout of ‘banging my head repetitively on my desk’ …somewhat disappointed that all I could muster was a headache and not massive trauma to the head… I have had the misfortune of once again being faced by the harsh reality of my current work situation

*wailing and gnashing of teeth*

Middle Management has got me on something that reeks of production support (purely because their management skills are comparable to those of blind amputee in a sword fight.) They seem to have failed to schedule a new project for us timeously … too busy trying to distinguish their arses from there elbows (a large scale project with quite a number of resources and a huge budget ….. think they have successfully located an earlobe but as yet no concrete results ) . ...and as such have taken help desk - put some lipstick on it - and tried to convince us it’s a project (…kind of like when they take a potted plant put a tie on it and try convince us its management )

….And to add another level of complexity – no one understands the requirement (nor can most of them spell the word requirement or walk upright ), response times are as fast as a sloth on weed and middle management still insists on contributing an opinion and demanding documentation ….*Recommence banging* (here’ s hoping for the head trauma )

Brain size: A comparative study

Astronomers often do diagrammatic representations to illustrate the vast difference in sizes of heavenly bodies – this has proved an incredibly useful tool in conveying just how massive and impressive (and superior) some planets are when placed along side smaller and more insignificant ones .

Due to this methods effectiveness I have utilized it here to demonstrate the difference in brain size between myself and middle management :

The Evolution of Stupid : version 2

After reviewing k's comments I realized the error of my ways (…well k's comments and the fact that I got attacked by a disgruntled fern on the way out of the office)

As such I have updated the The Evolution of Stupid to be slightly more accurate …

The Evolution of Stupid

Yes, I think it's time to cull the herd

I have long supported the idea of culling. Specifically with regards to its application to the middle management sect . ( ….also stupid people and anyone that “can like to wear” a hot pant and net vest…although these are generally sub groups of middle management, so for simplicity’s sake I will use Middle management as an all encompassing term)

For those of you unfamiliar with term - let me break it down for you :

Culling : is the killing of a limited portion of the population of a group of animals

still not convinced middle management qualifies as an animal – was thinking more parasite or house plant , but for the purposes of this discussion we will make an exception …will group them with the amoebas for now.

This may be done to improve breeding stock

Yes god forbid they breed – apparently natural selection has had little success killing them off – they seem to survive despite their mind numbing stupidity and misguided delusions of importance.

By killing individuals with undesirable characteristics

undesirable characteristics include the following
1. Deep set eyes , heavy brows
2. Vacant stare
3. Use of the terms "level the playing field" and "lessons learnt"
4. The fact a vacuum cleaner would beat them in a heated debate
5. The fact they would enter into a debate with a vacuum cleaner
6. The fact the they can actually stupid other people to death
7. They have ass lips
8. They are the only naturally occurring common sense repellent in nature

Or to prevent the spread of disease (by killing infected individuals)

Stupid is a disease

or simply control the group's population for the benefit of the environment and other species.

...nuff said

As such I will be opening a hunting lodge in the CBD and have declared it open season.

The easiest way to locate prey would be to schedule a meeting:
…if you schedule it ….they will come
(its like a duck whistle for middle management)

Monkey see, monkey do

So it was “date night” last night and where as the rest of general pop does the customary dinner and a movie and by the end of the evening is gnawing through a wrist from the complete average-ness of the occasion or climbing the walls from extended exposure to mundane small talk ….boy and I decided to cut to the chase and just climb the walls.

The evening got off to a good *sarcasm* start as I, Mrs. “I have the sense of direction of a mute bat and still can’t tell my left from my right” was navigating …..And of course this didn’t turn out well (fortunately I did manage to stay within a kilometer radius of our intended destination this time… *wild applause and patting on back*) …. So anyway - after glancing briefly at the map I noticed a large important looking block with a cross on it and assumed it was the climbing gym – you know …..kind of like when the Americans look at a world map and see Asia and go oh yes the big one that must be us …so anyway turned out large important looking block was St Georges hospital …way to go genius ….looking on the bright side though ..Should I have dropped long suffering boy on his head at least I would have known where the hospital was (and could have pointed him in the general direction)

but I mean … honestly … shortcomings like this are not really the kind of thing you like putting out there so early in a relationship… you know…stuff like directional impairment …the fact that your fathers a drug lord and your mother’s a prostitute and you suffer from mild schizophrenia and have rage issues (but not to worry you have only bludgeoned 1 or 2 people in a fit of rage …well 1 or 2 that you can remember) ….. You know …… you kind of save that shit for month 4 or 5.

so anyway – the climbing was fabulous - surprisingly there was only one injury (poked myself in the eye) and 1 fatality (right thumb nail …… okay so maybe it was more maimed than dead ) and some retardation of the toenails given that the shoes were created for cleft footed midgets - but think I did pretty well – thought I was Cliff hanger actually (although I am a lot taller than Stallone and also more buff – oh ya …and I can also act) I also managed not to drop boy on his head either – which is a good thing (the relationship going well haven’t killed him yet and he’s still in the country *knuckle bite*) ..Boy is a natural of course – but then again he is one of those sickening athletic types that is good at everything *vomit* (in retrospect should maybe have dropped him on his head????)

There is also all this lingo you need to remember …. like when you’ve reached top of the wall and need to be belayed (see footnote) down...you have to shout “TAKE ME” ….yes …this cheap porn terminology is equally useful in rock climbing and also quite entertaining given that all the other rock climbing pairs were male and frequently shouting “TAKE ME” at each other (fortunately they compensated for the innuendo by beating their chests and punching each other ……. well some of them)

So anyway – wall climbing rocks...That is all


* Belay: big rock climbing term meaning dangle from a rope at ridiculous height while simultaneously putting your life in the hands of person on the ground and hoping to god he doesn’t drop you on your head.