What separates us from the animals is our ability to make tools / stuff to enhance and facilitate our existence …………….personally I have always thought it was our ability to manipulate and emotionally blackmail members of the same species but it appears I was wrong.
Anyway it all started out with the predecessor to the hammer, the invention of beer , the actual hammer , improvements to the beer recipe, the harnessing of fire , more kinds of beer , the wheel and ultimately draught beer . And although the obvious candidate for discussion here would appear to be beer in a landslide victory - it is actually the mechanics of the wheel that I wish to cover today – or more specifically – the shortcomings of the worlds so called “best” invention – ya –
WHATEVER!!!!
So anyway - although we all stare in wonder and ooohh and aaaah and make appreciative grunts as we marvel at the miracle that is the wheel – we often forget that benefits of a wheel require a collaborative effort - in fact in order for a wheel to fully accomplish its potential it needs to be attached to some sort of axil and sometimes even another wheel (yes they don’t tell you this in wheel appreciation class – half truths I tell you ……
HALF TRUTHS ) and it was not until after spending a tough *sarcasm* day on the river introducing my good friend “Ammy” to my new friend “Rod” and the wonder of fishing (and by fishing I mean massacring and sacrificing 4 brazillion mud prawns to the river god in return for a single stompie suffering from some stunted growth disease and obviously some level of retardation as he was the only fish in the entire river system to be stupid enough to get hooked ) that I was given the misfortune of reaching this conclusion.
It was while waiting for my pops to bring the trailer to remove our noticeably empty vessel from the fishless river , after the aforementioned prawn massacre - that I was greeted by an unpleasant scraping noise and the appearance of an amputee trailer hobbling down the hill followed shortly afterward by its wayward wheel - It appears that Wheel had decided to make a get away and fulfil his life long dream of becoming a tyre swing in the big city , unfortunately , Wheel too had overestimated his usefulness as an individual and his short lived break for freedom ended in undignified paralysis under a bush ….
(BUT OF COURSE the trailer wheel would fall off - what were we thinking - I am somewhat surprised that it didn’t bounce off someone’s head and kill the last of some endangered species before crash landing through the windscreen of a Porsche and spontaneously combusting and setting fire to the earth )
……anyway you would be surprised at how little value a detached wheel actually adds - in fact it probably wouldn’t even make a decent anchor –I spit on this glorified ashtray – world’s greatest invention my ass – worlds greatest disappointment methinks (……well almost – just one behind non alcoholic beer) .
Anyway Wheel’s faux pas rendered our trailer about as useful as a pork chop at a bah mitzvah and he too was laid to rest under a bush – so boat removal plans were thwarted and resulted in a renegade mission to the marina – involving illegal parking and the scaling of fences (you know….. general wheel related cloak and dagger stuff) and ultimately a new found disrespect for the wheel, its reliability and its so called contribution to society. (People have been smited for less)
As such ….
I leave you with this ….. Beer always delivers and operates efficiently both on its own and in a group – the same I think – cannot be said for the wheel…….. You decide what the world’s best invention is.
Ammy and Rod in happier days (pre wheel incident)
