Survivor – IT project

Okay so we have a new guy on our project (the project kharma created purely to test my powers of survival …. You know like …..Who will be the last man standing

“Survivor – IT project” …

so anyway not only do I have to contend with

“The Project Manager” : a subset of my all time favorite middle management and blatant moron – the dude only has 3 words in his vocabulary : Timeline, dependency and risk. He definitely doesn’t get laid, partly because he is a flaming idiot and partly because generally woman (and by woman I mean anyone that he has paid for sex or slipped roofies to) get tired of him mapping the entire process of intercourse from foreplay to him screaming his own name on MS projects, and of him pushing them for an estimated time of orgasm (he can’t seem to plot “never, not even close, can’t even bring myself to fake” …on his timeline )

so anyway we have him …..and now we have

“The New Guy” : I have never in my life encountered anyone that speaks as slowly as this man. Evolution progresses faster than him constructing a sentence. I age physically when he attempts to make a point ….. I think the mating ritual of the sloth takes place faster than him stating a fact …… I seriously reached menopause before he reached his second sentence …..and by his 3rd I was shopping for a nice walker and a set of false teeth.

*BANGING HEAD ON DESK AND PLEADING FOR MERCY*

And there are these long uncomfortable silences (you know….. like when the midget gimp reprimands you in front of the donkey...) while he assimilates his response in his head.

I read the entire encyclopedia Britannica while he mustered up a …..“now on page 3”…it was an hour into the meeting and a 30 page document ……

GET OFF MY ISLAND!!!!!!!!

Comparative study: Middle Management vs Retarded Gnu

A definitive study of the parallels between middle management and a retarded gnu


1. The rest of the herd will shun a retarded gnu this in nature is called natural selection, everybody will shun middle management this in business is called avoiding the stupid guy
2. Retarded gnus communicate by grunting .…middle managements are incapable of communication . (their grunts are largely recreational)
3. Retarded gnus run around in circles aimlessly and often into trees , middle management runs around in circles aimlessly and often into white boards (this is called a strategy meeting)
4. Retarded gnus are hairy and sweat a lot…ditto
5. The gnu is retarded…ditto

5 Things I learnt at the cheese festival

1. Its become less important to clear ones palette, glass , head after the 9th tasting.
2. There are no rules in love, war and queuing.
3. There are actually grown woman out there that will wear fruit on there heads.
4. Beer tastes equally good with cheese ….. and with wine for that matter.
5. 29 year olds are not allowed on the jumping castle.